I think this is okay.
I changed my URL a while back so that George couldn't access this, so I think completely spilling my guts about everything that's going on is okay.
We have been rocky for my entire spring quarter (from late March until a week from today). George started withdrawing from me a lot and spending less time at home and almost all of his time out with his friend Brett. I started getting really jealous and asking him to spend more time talking to me and paying attention to me, and he just wouldn't do it. I started getting anxious and he started pulling away even more.
George and I have a family plan on T-Mobile under my name. I have access to who he talks to and I simply don't have the self control not to look. I started noticing he added a girl named Samantha to his phone book and started text messaging and calling her a lot, at times when he told me he couldn't talk to me. When I asked him about it, he said it was the daughter of the guy he was going to work for over the summer, and she was his receptionist. One night he went to see Spiderman 3, and for some reason I signed on to his screen name. The girl who I suspected was the girl truly in his phone messaged him, I asked her for her phone number, and he was caught in a lie.
When I called him to confront him about it, he broke up with me. He was angry at me for snooping, but I was angrier about him lying. I spent the whole weekend in my bed, crying uncontrollably and feeling desperate and helpless. I was on the phone constantly with anyone who would talk to me because I needed to be calmed down.
After that weekend, George came to me and said he wanted to try again, so we did. By that Saturday night, however, he was breaking up with me again. "I just don't have the same feelings for you anymore," "Maybe we can try again when you come home," "What happens, happens." At first I freaked out but then I got angry that he was pulling crap again and I told him that. That made him call me the next day and tell me he missed me and he loved me.
After that I started missing him of course and started talking to him...giving him back power and control. That's when he started ignoring me. I started noticing on T-Mobile that he added a girl named Becky into his phone and was text messaging her A LOT. On maybe Tuesday or Wednesday I really got upset about the fact that he could pay so much attention to another girl but not me, and I called and had his phone line canceled. He called me from his house phone screaming more than I've ever heard him scream before, muttering things about buying me an engagement ring (er, promise ring, as I'm told now), and only breaking up with me to test his commitment.
After that passed, I noticed on Thursday morning that George had been text messaging Becky first thing every morning. That, to me, spoke louder than any words: he had a crush on her. My friend Fabian knew her from his old job, and knew her friend (and George's friend) Kathryn. Fabian went up to Becky in school and she said she and George were "taking things slow" and "just talking" at that moment, but yes, they did like each other. Fabian told me, and I was furious. I called George asking about it, and he admitted he did have a crush on her. I found out later that he omitted a very important detail.
My heart was broken, in millions and millions and millions of tiny pieces. The thought of MY boyfriend, and in my heart he still was MY boyfriend, liking somebody who was not me was absolutely devastating. I had panic attacks when the thought arose in my head. I went back and forth between not wanting anything to do with him to wanting to be friends with him and back to not wanting anything to do with him. All the while he was still telling me "we'll see what happens when you come home."
I started getting really bad feelings about his crush, and Fabian told me he would talk to Kathryn. He did this on Tuesday. He called me and he said, "Stacey, you're not going to like this, but he's been lying to both of you. They kissed last Wednesday." Those words just killed everything within me. Apparently he was telling Becky (by the way...what an awful name. Could not be uglier.) that everything was over between him and I, and telling me that he wasn't going to see or kiss/hug/touch Becky until I got home.
At this point, I shut him out of my life. I told him I wanted him gone completely and I deleted him from my buddy list, Facebook, and Myspace. I called him up and told him I want his phone line transferred over to his father. After hanging up he text messaged me and said, "Good luck on the boy hunt. Hopefully you'll find someone who can treat you better than I ever could. You deserve it. You were the best girlfriend I ever had."
I freaked out at this point and sent him a message saying, "Excuse me??? Then please refresh me, *why* did you break up with me FOR ANOTHER GIRL???" After a few hours he sent me a letter via Myspace:
"you know.. you're really something. you've been there for me through everything. you've been there for me when i've cried, when i've flipped out, when i've just felt downright dead to the world... and each time you've lifted me up and given me a shoulder to lean on; and you know, i just want to thank you.
the only thing that made up my mind for me to break up with you is the fact that i need someone closer. i know you're taking the fall off, and i appreciate that, but look... you even said it yourself... "scad is looking like the best possibility." and Stacey, that killed me that night you told me that. absolutely and utterly destroyed me. i thought, "how can i spend my life with someone who i will only see 4 months out of the year for the next 4 years?" That's ONLY a YEAR AND 4 MONTHS out of a possible FOUR YEARS i'd be with you. and as you can tell, i'm not good with long distance whatsoever. i understand the sacrifices you've made for me, and i am 100% absolutely grateful... and when you told me you were getting me a puppy i went into tears because that's the nicest thing anyone's ever wanted to do for me since Brat died. i always tell everyone, "i want a puppy of my own" but no one ever listens and always says "do you know how to take care of it and feed it and let it out, blah blah", and i guess you had the confidence and knew i was mature enough to do it, so thank you.
it's not that i fell out of love with you, it's the distance. i know you'll say i'm a faggot for supposably quoting Ben Gibbard, but in all seriousness... i just needed you so much closer.
if you still want to go to prom with me, just let me know, and i'll happily say yes to being the boy who watches you walk down the stairs all beautiful in your prom dress while i await in my tux.
ps; don't tell anyone about anything i said in this letter. just keep it to yourself and don't talk to Fabian about this. I think you telling him about our business was absolutely retarded."
This of course turned me back into a stupid idiot. I started thinking, "Wow, maybe we can be together again." I messaged him on AIM and we had a very sketchy conversation, but he "guaranteed" me he would not see Becky until I come home. Well, tonight his friend Brett's away message said, "Chillin. Then Pirates 3 (Yes!) with Alex, Georgie, Amritha, Bizzle, Becky, and Kathryn." THERE GOES HIS GUARANTEE!!!
He just signed online, and I asked him, "What did you do tonight?" He said, "Saw Pirates, but I'm going home, I'm tired." I said, "Wait. Who'd you go with?" and he signed off. His phone is broken and I'm not going to be able to contact him until his phone is turned on. Her away message right now is "night babe<3" and I KNOW it's about him.
He's playing me. And I'm falling for all of it. Please, someone save me.
We have been rocky for my entire spring quarter (from late March until a week from today). George started withdrawing from me a lot and spending less time at home and almost all of his time out with his friend Brett. I started getting really jealous and asking him to spend more time talking to me and paying attention to me, and he just wouldn't do it. I started getting anxious and he started pulling away even more.
George and I have a family plan on T-Mobile under my name. I have access to who he talks to and I simply don't have the self control not to look. I started noticing he added a girl named Samantha to his phone book and started text messaging and calling her a lot, at times when he told me he couldn't talk to me. When I asked him about it, he said it was the daughter of the guy he was going to work for over the summer, and she was his receptionist. One night he went to see Spiderman 3, and for some reason I signed on to his screen name. The girl who I suspected was the girl truly in his phone messaged him, I asked her for her phone number, and he was caught in a lie.
When I called him to confront him about it, he broke up with me. He was angry at me for snooping, but I was angrier about him lying. I spent the whole weekend in my bed, crying uncontrollably and feeling desperate and helpless. I was on the phone constantly with anyone who would talk to me because I needed to be calmed down.
After that weekend, George came to me and said he wanted to try again, so we did. By that Saturday night, however, he was breaking up with me again. "I just don't have the same feelings for you anymore," "Maybe we can try again when you come home," "What happens, happens." At first I freaked out but then I got angry that he was pulling crap again and I told him that. That made him call me the next day and tell me he missed me and he loved me.
After that I started missing him of course and started talking to him...giving him back power and control. That's when he started ignoring me. I started noticing on T-Mobile that he added a girl named Becky into his phone and was text messaging her A LOT. On maybe Tuesday or Wednesday I really got upset about the fact that he could pay so much attention to another girl but not me, and I called and had his phone line canceled. He called me from his house phone screaming more than I've ever heard him scream before, muttering things about buying me an engagement ring (er, promise ring, as I'm told now), and only breaking up with me to test his commitment.
After that passed, I noticed on Thursday morning that George had been text messaging Becky first thing every morning. That, to me, spoke louder than any words: he had a crush on her. My friend Fabian knew her from his old job, and knew her friend (and George's friend) Kathryn. Fabian went up to Becky in school and she said she and George were "taking things slow" and "just talking" at that moment, but yes, they did like each other. Fabian told me, and I was furious. I called George asking about it, and he admitted he did have a crush on her. I found out later that he omitted a very important detail.
My heart was broken, in millions and millions and millions of tiny pieces. The thought of MY boyfriend, and in my heart he still was MY boyfriend, liking somebody who was not me was absolutely devastating. I had panic attacks when the thought arose in my head. I went back and forth between not wanting anything to do with him to wanting to be friends with him and back to not wanting anything to do with him. All the while he was still telling me "we'll see what happens when you come home."
I started getting really bad feelings about his crush, and Fabian told me he would talk to Kathryn. He did this on Tuesday. He called me and he said, "Stacey, you're not going to like this, but he's been lying to both of you. They kissed last Wednesday." Those words just killed everything within me. Apparently he was telling Becky (by the way...what an awful name. Could not be uglier.) that everything was over between him and I, and telling me that he wasn't going to see or kiss/hug/touch Becky until I got home.
At this point, I shut him out of my life. I told him I wanted him gone completely and I deleted him from my buddy list, Facebook, and Myspace. I called him up and told him I want his phone line transferred over to his father. After hanging up he text messaged me and said, "Good luck on the boy hunt. Hopefully you'll find someone who can treat you better than I ever could. You deserve it. You were the best girlfriend I ever had."
I freaked out at this point and sent him a message saying, "Excuse me??? Then please refresh me, *why* did you break up with me FOR ANOTHER GIRL???" After a few hours he sent me a letter via Myspace:
"you know.. you're really something. you've been there for me through everything. you've been there for me when i've cried, when i've flipped out, when i've just felt downright dead to the world... and each time you've lifted me up and given me a shoulder to lean on; and you know, i just want to thank you.
the only thing that made up my mind for me to break up with you is the fact that i need someone closer. i know you're taking the fall off, and i appreciate that, but look... you even said it yourself... "scad is looking like the best possibility." and Stacey, that killed me that night you told me that. absolutely and utterly destroyed me. i thought, "how can i spend my life with someone who i will only see 4 months out of the year for the next 4 years?" That's ONLY a YEAR AND 4 MONTHS out of a possible FOUR YEARS i'd be with you. and as you can tell, i'm not good with long distance whatsoever. i understand the sacrifices you've made for me, and i am 100% absolutely grateful... and when you told me you were getting me a puppy i went into tears because that's the nicest thing anyone's ever wanted to do for me since Brat died. i always tell everyone, "i want a puppy of my own" but no one ever listens and always says "do you know how to take care of it and feed it and let it out, blah blah", and i guess you had the confidence and knew i was mature enough to do it, so thank you.
it's not that i fell out of love with you, it's the distance. i know you'll say i'm a faggot for supposably quoting Ben Gibbard, but in all seriousness... i just needed you so much closer.
if you still want to go to prom with me, just let me know, and i'll happily say yes to being the boy who watches you walk down the stairs all beautiful in your prom dress while i await in my tux.
ps; don't tell anyone about anything i said in this letter. just keep it to yourself and don't talk to Fabian about this. I think you telling him about our business was absolutely retarded."
This of course turned me back into a stupid idiot. I started thinking, "Wow, maybe we can be together again." I messaged him on AIM and we had a very sketchy conversation, but he "guaranteed" me he would not see Becky until I come home. Well, tonight his friend Brett's away message said, "Chillin. Then Pirates 3 (Yes!) with Alex, Georgie, Amritha, Bizzle, Becky, and Kathryn." THERE GOES HIS GUARANTEE!!!
He just signed online, and I asked him, "What did you do tonight?" He said, "Saw Pirates, but I'm going home, I'm tired." I said, "Wait. Who'd you go with?" and he signed off. His phone is broken and I'm not going to be able to contact him until his phone is turned on. Her away message right now is "night babe<3" and I KNOW it's about him.
He's playing me. And I'm falling for all of it. Please, someone save me.
Labels: George, heartbreak, pig, porky
posted by Stacey @ 10:16 PM
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