This...is disgusting.

Last month I had a pap smear and a few weeks later they called me and told me I had abnormal results. They told me not to get worried but that I needed to come in again for more testing. I went in today...

I had a "culposcopy" which, as far as I'm concerned, stood for sticking a whole bunch of stuff inside me that I couldn't see because the sheet was covering everything except the doctor's face. I know she scraped my cervix (hard, and for 10 seconds) and "removed most of the abnormal cells". All I saw was a bloody clump which was promptly dropped into a jar and taken off for testing, but it scared me.

The doctor told me "you most likely don't have cancer, but you do have the DNA that causes it." That phrase scared me so, so much and has me so terrified that even if this turns out to be nothing, one day this will happen again only it WILL be cancer.

What if I can't get pregnant when I am ready to have kids? What if I can, but I miscarry?

I think I just saw the abnormal cells that she didn't scrape out, I think they were scraped and not collected...and if that's the case, nothing that looks like what I just saw should ever, ever be inside the human body. It made me absolutely sick.