I was actually going to post this publicly..

All George ever does is treat me like absolute shit. I'd like for someone to tell me why I allow it to happen. Why am I so weak that I can't break up with someone who is so terrible to me? He lies to me all the time ("by omission"; ie, he conveniently leaves details out of what he tells me, on basically a daily basis). He ignores me all the time, including tonight, which he did on purpose.

Let me quote a text from George, "You're being annoying so I'm ignoring you." That is taking things one step too fucking far in a relationship. You don't ignore the other person on purpose. My father never did it to my mother, nor did she do it to him. Why do I allow this to go on??? I told him not to talk to me until he could apologize sincerely with reasons WHY ignoring me on purpose is wrong. If he can't do that, he's not worth dating, and I promise, I PROMISE, that no matter how hard it is for me, I will leave him.

Because I know I'll be heartbroken and I know I'll miss him, but I have to remember that even though he has wonderful qualities about him, he's spent the majority of the last 8 months completely walking all over me and expecting for me only to be around when it's convenient for him. He wants a part-time girlfriend. He wants someone who won't get mad that he does whatever he wants, whenever he wants; but someone who isn't allowed to do whatever SHE wants, whenever she wants, because that means she won't always be available for his convenience!

Well I told him (several times, most recent being tonight) that that's not who I fucking am, and I won't let him treat me that way. I sat there on the phone crying, but of course, instead of feeling bad he just told me how annoying it is when I cry. Because my feelings don't matter, only how annoying it is for him to listen to.

I'm absolutely just sick of this!!!! It's kind of ironic that just last night I went to sleep literally smiling because I couldn't remember the last time George and I fought, and then I remembered it was our last big blowout and that we had been doing well since then. Silly me, I thought that was because he was putting effort into making positive steps in our relationship. I was so, so wrong. He doesn't make positive steps. He just does things to shut me up. He texts me to shut me up, he calls me to shut me up, he tells me he loves me to shut me up. None of it's real; it can't be. How could it possibly, when he does shit like this to me daily?? I am to the point where when he says he loves me, 90% of me doesn't believe him.

That's fucked. He's fucked, and I'm fucked for letting him treat me this way. I'm such a fool...