IS this thing loaded?

I can recall at least three monumental fights we've gotten into because I don't feel like I'm treated as well as I deserve to be treated. I understand his upbringing contributes to this but there is enough "love" in the media to understand how a girl should be treated. I've waited and waited for him to come around and yet he shows no signs of progress. Is it terrible that when I got on the airplane to go home for winter break, I was secretly hoping that he was waiting for me at the airport with flowers?

Is it crazy that I gave him my address before I came back here so that he'd take the hint and send me a letter or a note or even a stupid crayon drawing? Anything to show me he cares...my heart is literally breaking a little bit each day. Never once in my life have I been treated like most girls are. I've gotten flowers ONCE, and they were carnations, and it was in the most unromantic setting. This is taking a serious toll on my self esteem.. I feel 100% not worth romantic gestures. He doesn't even open doors for me. I have guy friends who open doors for me, in fact I can't even think of a single guy who DOESN'T... except for my own boyfriend.

I feel so alone in this world and he's supposed to be the one person I can count on to take that feeling away, but with the way our relationship is, he just makes it worse. All I want are Myspace comments without having to a) beg or b) leave him some all the time and also hope he decides to do the same, texts while I'm sleeping instead of him using me sleeping as an excuse NOT to text me (he makes me leave him texts while he sleeps..), an unexpected letter telling me how much he misses and loves me, ANY OF THESE THINGS!!!!!

Yet I don't even get one of them. I'm sitting in my bed crying because not only is all of this going on, but he has fallen asleep in the MIDDLE of talking about it. How can he say he loves me so much and act like he could not care less? I don't know what to do anymore... I can't break up with him, I don't want to and he is the only person I can imagine being with, and the thought of him with anyone else produces rage inside of me. But I feel like nothing right now because I am treated like I'm worthless. This is the third time this week he's fallen asleep while talking to me... and he wonders why I feel unloved?


My heart....is truly breaking. And he can fix it, but only if he wants to.

Lurve.

He says he thinks I'm losing feeling for him...

I'm pretty sure it's the other way around.

Just because I want to see my friends and go out like a normal college student doesn't mean I don't care about him. He just doesn't understand what college is like. Staying in my room every day last quarter made me depressed and lonely. Does HE care? No. He just cares about HIMSELF.