After all that...

After all that, you still can't see how much you've hurt me.


Did I get one "I'm sorry" tonight after things escalated? No "I'm sorry I blamed you". No "I'm sorry I irrationally broke up with you."

Nothing.

PS; a promise means nothing from you considering how easily you break them.

I'm SERIOUSLY going to fucking punch you in the dick.

I spend hours online searching for a dress to wear to your prom.




THE FUCKING LEAST YOU COULD DO IS FUCKING TEXT MESSAGE ME, YOU FUCKING PRICK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


You think I'm just going to fucking sit around and wait on your fucking ass to finish "playing basketball", when half the fucking time YOU WEREN'T EVEN PLAYING!!!! Guess you just fucking didn't feel like talking to me.


WELL FUCK YOU!!!!!!!

Considering no one reads this, I can safely say I don't write for attention.

I genuinely feel like he would rather spend his time with his friends than with me.

Like they're more fun and they make him happier than I do.

Why can't you just see that I just miss you and want to talk to you? You want almost nothing to do with me... you tell me you miss me as you ignore me for your friends. This is a constant, constant thing ever since you started seeing these people..

Tomorrow is our six month anniversary and he could not care less. He's busy all night with his friends playing computer games. Six months is supposed to be a big deal and he basically plans on ignoring me until tomorrow and then actually bothering to take the time to call me (how generous).

I can't think of a time where he has just stopped and thought about how I feel and what might make me happy. I can't believe after all the shit we've been through lately he still hasn't realized how unhappy I am when he spends every waking hour with his friends, and not a minute talking to me.

All he ever does is tell me how annoying I am lately. I really don't think he loves me anymore..

I guess I just suck at relationships.

I don't know when he'll understand that I'll stop complaining when he starts taking action; all he ever does is tell me how annoying I am because I complain about everything he does. But everything he does is BAD!!!! He's treated me like absolute shit this past week and only apologizes to shut me up so I stop talking. It'd be nice for him to actually realize how upset I am and why; no one should be going out all day, every day and choosing their friends exclusively over their girlfriend. Yet welcome to my life. I don't know why he can't learn to balance friends and his girlfriend. It's either one or the other. For the past 5 months he's blamed me for never seeing his friends, and now he goes out all the time and I never get to talk to him!!!

I just don't get it. I complain about tiny, tiny things that would not be hard to change, yet he can't even be bothered to try to make me happy. It's too much effort for him to try to make me happy for once. He ONLY EVER DOES WHAT BENEFITS HIMSELF. He doesn't care what benefits me; this relationship is ONE HUNDRED PERCENT about him and what he wants.

I swear, I truly swear if he does this ONE MORE TIME, we are over. I've put up with this for long enough; it will end. I'm done being unappreciated, I'm done being unloved, I'm done feeling like I'm not cared about. I've absolutely had it with being second to everything, and I've had it with only getting apologies as an attempt to make me shut up. I'm sick of hearing how annoying I am and I'm sick of crying all the time. He hurts my feelings a lot and makes me feel like this pathetic excuse for a person...

...but at least I'm not the one deliberately hurting someone else.

Is it bad?

Is it bad that even after tonight, with our violent fight, you're the only one I want? Even after all we've been through I still can't picture not being with you. I still look at your picture and think you're the cutest boy I've ever seen, with the cutest smile, and the most innocent laugh.

I still view you as the only one I can ever love. I still laughed when I looked at the picture of you dancing in your boxers on your Myspace, because I remembered that dance in my head. I am still looking at your pictures on my wall and thinking, "that's mine..." because I can only view you as who I know you as today, which is the person I love so much.

You mean the absolute world to me and I hope that you read this before you decide 100% that you want us to be over. Because I honestly don't know what I will do without you to laugh with and joke with, and talk about sports with even though I don't even like them THAT much, and wrestle with, and do everything that we've done over the past 6 months.

I love you, I love you, I love you, George. With all of my heart and all of my soul, I love you for who you are deep inside of you. I really hope you realize the same things tonight... I'd be absolutely devastated if you realized that you don't want to be with me anymore and you don't love me like you thought.

Pooper, poopie, baby, big spoon...you are my everything. There's nothing more for me to say except I love you to the stars and back, and I hope that you can say the same about me.

Help me?
I need it.